i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
