apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
