The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
