What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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