Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
