this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
