So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
