"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
