Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
