just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
