Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize