i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
