Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
