I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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