she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
