for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You took a bar mat shot.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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