3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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