Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
