When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
