meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
