They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
