just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
