sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
