I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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