The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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