u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
this will be a night to untag.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
