If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I can't turn off my feet"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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