the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
