Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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