Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
