I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
