erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
His nipple licking is glorious
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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