Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You have to summon your inner elephant
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
