Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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