i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
