Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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