OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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