Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
