10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize