YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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