I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
