Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
