if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Two words: blizzard sex
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
