Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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