My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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