tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you win again, gameday.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
