Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
