hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
