I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
