I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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