Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
