you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
