went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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