FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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