Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
