Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
