Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
