I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
