I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
