It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
