I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
