Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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