Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
