OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
