I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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