dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
