my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
