He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
