My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
