I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
