Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
