I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
