I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
