i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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