Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
