what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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