I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
