He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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