All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize