So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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