Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize