I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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