please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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