WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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