jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
