How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize