Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Don't make out with my wife yet
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
