Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Randomize
