Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
