Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
