I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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