I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I got inside last night via doggy door
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
