I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
