please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my shit smells like andre
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
