well I can't set my house on fire every night
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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