Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Found your dick twin last night
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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