I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
