watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
